14 March 2012

Walk all over me


14 March 1988
27 years old
Living in London
Awoke with a certain amount of anxious expectation. AT was arriving today, would he get in touch? David rang and wanted to meet for a drink, I’d already made plans with Andrea to go to Goldsmiths Comedy Night. Felt a little suspicious, asked if he’d heard from AT, but he said No.
Later, Bruce and Harry arrived from court, Bruce got a suspended sentence! Everyone was very happy. Can arrived home, Huw came over, as did John, everyone feeling good. THEN the doorbell rang and I answered and discovered AT – how weird it was to see him. He’d been trying to surprise me all day, he’d been to the studio [I had the day off] and rung David several times and finally caught a cab to see ME! We talked and talked, he told me I looked terrific and how great it was to see me so much more confident. I got him something to eat. We laughed and laughed and tried to out joke one another as usual. We rang David, then left to meet Andrea and Max.
Nice to see some familiar faces at Goldsmiths, like Vic Reeves (again), Doc, lovely Robert and John. But everyone was overshadowed by “my” AT’s presence. We were together again, friends, despite my melodrama two years ago (which he later told me he thought was very cute) and my living half a world away...
I felt quite in control, yet unsure of what I wanted. I thought of Tony quite a bit. Back home I made tea and we sat together and talked. He made excuse to touch me, the cold was an excuse for us to embrace, naturally we kissed.  I felt pleased and content but far from ecstatic. Which is how I felt about Tony at first, until my maddening love took over. I’m attractive and bearable at this stage, it’s only when I’ve fallen that they can walk all over me.
He obviously didn’t want to leave, but I asked him if he wanted me to walk him to the taxi place. My not-so-subtle hint. He took it and collected his stuff from the front room, before which he threw me on the couch and kissed me.
So very peculiar, life and fate and circumstances. I closed the door behind him. I didn’t ask him his number, how to get in touch, when I’d see him, or anything. I just knew I’d be seeing a lot of him during his brief stay.

This brilliant picture of Vic Reeves courtesy of Transpontine blog – thanks!

1 comment:

  1. A lot of throwing people around for kisses! Nice!

    ReplyDelete